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Den's Journal

Stories by a short, fat bastard

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Body Language
Office: *5 hours of silence*
Me: *working*
Body: Toilet
Me: *starts to stand*
Brain: The phone will ring the instant you stand. It always does.
Me: I'd better go now or it'll ring when I'm desperate.
Body: Toilet!
Brain: Oh all right.
Me: *stands*
Phone: *rings*
Brain: I knew it!
*15 minutes of phone call later*
Me: *hangs up*
Me: *starts to stand*
Brain: Phone will ring!
Me: *stands*
Phone: *rings*
Me: *answers phone*
*10 minutes of phone call later*
Me: *hangs up*
Body: Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!Toilet!
Me: *stands*
Phone: *rings*
Me: *reaches for phone*
Me: *runs*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Phone: *rings*
Me: *returns.*
Message Bank: You have 11 missed phone calls.

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Hahahahahah. That was a real pisser, eh?

Time to get a good answering machine service, no?

Forward it to you cell, nothing beats taking calls on the throne of wisdom :D


"Where are you? You sound echoey. Is that a waterfall?"

Any possibility for a pleasant, dignified life went out the window when Bell invented that damned thing. Think about it. It gives any dickhead the ability to jump in, grab you by the throat, and say "STOP EVERYTHING AND TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW NOW NOW!" Anyone who did that in person would at the least be shunned right out of society, but with a phone if YOU don't drop everything, don't drop dealing with the polite people who are actually there with you talking in person, don't drop your work, don't drop everything to talk to the rude, intrusive butthead on the machine-- somehow YOU are the one considered to be impolite.

How much better the world would be if we ripped the wretched things out of the wall. And cell phones are even worse, except they can be turned off- and should be.

My telephone exists for my convenience, not anybody else's. If I don't want to answer it, I don't. In fact, I have the answering machine on 24/7, so that if I decide not to answer the phone, I often know who called and why, and can call back at my leisure.

And frankly I don't give a rip if "society" thinks I'm impolite for doing that. They're not the ones paying my phone bill.

My husband has just said that every customer service course he has ever been on says "talk to the people who are there, and don't answer the phone". So maybe it's not as rude as you think.

(Oh, and land lines can be turned off, too -- by screening calls, as I do, turning the ringer off, or pulling the plug out of the wall.)

I often turn my ringer right down low. If I don't want to answer, I don't.


I used to work in a phone bank. Had the same experience.

What diabolical technology have they woven into today's machinery that can sense desperation and respond accordingly? Very funny post...

On the other hand, huzzah! for the comments about the tyranny of the telephone.

There was once a time - talking to you geezers now - when those bakelite rotary-dial phones were manufactured in such a way that they could neither be unplugged (they were wired directly into the jack) nor turned off. Fortunately, if you knew how, you could take the thing apart and bend a tiny metal spring just enough to allow you the final technician-only notch on the ring-softener.

On the other hand, there was once a time, before the days of cell phones and answering machinese - when it was possible for a person to be simply NOT HOME.

One of my worst peeves is the retail clerk who will happily answer the phone and chat with anyone and anything for 15 minutes leaving me standing at the counter with my thumb up my @$$ even though I've been waiting patiently forever to make my purchases. I have been known to leave my stuff at the counter and walk off when this happens...


BTDT many times. :D

Sounds like a typical day at work for me. :)

"As a general principle, the more e-mail you're reading, the harder you are to replace."
- Bruce Sterling

if one of the principles of survival is "remain inedible", one of the principles of survival in employment is "remain indispensable".


So a way in increase your business is to stand by your desk?

But I notice you didn't give a post-mortem of the calls you missed...

How many were really job related? Versus "Oops, wrong number." and all the junk Cold Call sales pitches for Long Distance service, or Cable TV, or perhaps a Cellphone?? Wanna buy a duck?

Put an extension in the room, or put a desk set right outside the door with a long enough cord for those days you are working alone. The ECHO may not be very classy, but if it's a real emergency they will understand...

(Acoustic tiles on the ceiling, perhaps a nice hemmed throw rug hung on the wall like a tapestry... Problem solved.)

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