Den (dewhitton) wrote,
Den
dewhitton

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You Know You're From Australia When...



Your next door neighbours can be from Tunisia, Israel, Indonesia, Japan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Brazil, Spain, Malaysia...
yep

The community is so concerned over the fact that muslim women can't use public swimming pools because there are men present that they have female-only periods.
not around here

The Greeks and Mexicans next door ask you over to have a barbeque.
yep

You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.
true

You sleep with Aeroguard on.
done that

You're wearing a cap emblazoned with 'Get A Dog Up Ya.'
Had it on a t-shirt

You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it.
Food of the gods!

You actively dislike Americans, but watch their TV, eat their food and worship their idols.
NO! yes, yes NO!

You think Tall Poppy Syndrome is a national condition.
yes

Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard.
You bet!

Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun.
yep

The closest you ever got to going overseas was your packet of 5 Days In Rio grundies.
Get stuffed! I've been to New Zealand and Europe!

A posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Gotta love them Golden Troughs

The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of ply-wood, hand saws, gum leafs and combs.
that's silly

Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"
'ken oath!

All of your internationally famous people don't live here.
True

You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).
Those bogans are boofheads. I hate them

You relish test cricket - the longest, slowest game in sport (and that's not even counting the replays). After all, what else gives you an excuse to sit on your arse for five days, watch TV and sink piss with your mates?
True!

You don't drink Fosters, but you let the world think you do.
YES! And I TELL EVERYONE IT'S PISS!

The only thing better than beating the Pohms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it.
Hee hee hee!

You love, adore and admire a particular team/sportstar/actor on a winning streak - until they lose. Then they're just crap and 'past it.'
Yep

You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities.
Whadayareckon?

You favour either Holden or Ford - or a souped-up WRX with new kit and a bootful of subwoofer.
It's ture, but not about the WRX. Doof-doof boyz in their rice-cars shit me.

Driving down the main street/beach road playing bad techno is your idea of a perfect Saturday night / Sunday arvo.
Not for me.

You make kooky films, sometimes about wayward road trips (across the outback preferably). Quite a few are crap.
I don't do that, personally.

You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem.
True

Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'.
Y, actually

You have a customised stubby holder.
*embarrassment*

Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.
GOOD!

You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
Yep!

Your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it.
No.

The "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past.
Ugh!

The blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date.
There's a gym? What's it do?

The big national sporting events are men-only.
Sad, but true.

Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up.
That's the best way to annoy me and make me cross.

Our mantras are 'fair go for all', 'mateship' and 'little Aussie battler' - but we still publicly condemn those with different viewpoints to us.
Not personally, but it's true.

The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads.
YES!

'Fair go for all' excludes indigenous people.
Sad, but true. I don't agree with it.

An eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.
Only 8 hours? Why not do a proper road trip?

You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game.
8)

You insist on asking every celebrity who steps of an aircraft what they think of Australia. If the response is not overwhelmingly positive, they should be subjected to immediate public ridicule.
This is a sad fact of Australian Journalism.

The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.

Slick pick-up lines like 'Wanna shag?' and 'Carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation.
Sad, but true

You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
um... yeah. oops.

You realise you have no Bill of Rights.
If you define what the rights are, they can ban everything else!

The first thing guaranteed to get eaten at parties is fairy bread.
yep!

So that's the special ingredients that make up an Aussie - whatever your taste.
yep!

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austrailia.
Guilty!

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