October 22nd, 2001


(no subject)


I AM 43% PUNK.

The intelligent punk. Tuff and Smart. I
may be able to maintain a train of thought
long enough... What the fuck was I talking


Interesting Facts about Cuddly Australian Animals.

There are no poisonous snakes in Australia.

No, really! If they were poisonous you couldn't eat them. Most of them are venomous, though.

The King Cobra of India is the 14th most venomous snake in the world. Of the more venomous 13, 10 live in Australia. actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 10 most venomous snakes in the world, they all live in Australia.

Are they dangerous?

It depends.

Of all the people bitten by venomous snakes ove the last 10 years, 99% of those bitten were trying to kill or capture the snake at the time. To discover the best way to pick up a snake (if you must) then watch Steve Irwin. He will show you the exact wrong way to do it.

Den's Top 10 Dangerous Aussie Things

1. Salt Water Crocodile. Don't fuck with this one. If you see a sleeping salty and try to pat it and say "Hey look! It's asleep!" you'll get as far at "Hey l-!" If you're lucky they'll find your body. Or some of it.

A few weeks later.

2. Cassowary. This rain forest bird is slightly smaller than an emu and found in tropical rain forests. They are bastards. You can be wandering happily through the forest looking at things, and a cassowary will see you and attack, even if you didn't see it or hassle it or even think about wandering in the vague direction of their food.

These birds are pretty rare now, which is sad or not depending on how you feel about them. (For the record, I thinks it's sad.)

3. Goanna or Lace Monitor. These lizards vary in size, the largest being the Komodo Dragon. Fortunately we don't get them here. We do have other monitors, such as the perenti in the Northern Territory, and the goanna of the eastern states. THe goannas around here grow to 8 feet long from nose to tail tip, and weigh up to 80kg. Their teeth are recurved, like a snake's, and shaped like a shark's. They HURT. The lizard isn't venomous, but they can give you tetenus, blood poisoning, and many jolly things like that.

The mouth isn't the real problem. Goannas have legs, feet and claws that let them run up vertical trees.

Run up vertical tree.

80 kg.

Think about this.

I has visiting my mate Andy in hospital yesterday. He surprised a goanna in his chicken house. The lizard panicked and ran up the nearest vertical object, which happened to be Andy. It took 300 stitches to stop him from bleeding.

No.4 to 10 Pick your favourite selection of venomous snakes, spiders, fish and poisonous frogs, jelly fish, mushrooms, toadstools, plants, moss and lichen. Make sure the Fierce Snake is 4, and the Taipan is 6.

and Steve Irwin is No. 11.
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