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Den's Journal

Stories by a short, fat bastard

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UK Trip Day 12
Today's Travels in light green (on page 2).

Aaron wanted a Day In. I headed off on my own. It was cold and wet, so I loaded my big coat and umbrella* into the Vauxhall and went East. I'd missed seeing Wells Next The Sea last week and I really wanted to see the beach and the North Sea. A minute of GPS programming later, I was on my way to find Peter Kingdom**

Traffic was moderate but the roads were wet. Almost everyone was driving safely. Near Kings Lynn I hit the end of a tail-back, so I turned left and headed into the bush. Fens, actually. A lot of very narrow roads later I reached Kings Lynn and bypassed the town, then headed for Wells by the most direct route.

It was lunch time when I reached the outer houses of Wells, and I spied a little pub: The Bowling Green. Time for some Scampi & Chips, and a half of bitter.

There were a couple of old chaps in the corner, talking loudly because they were both apparently hard of hearing. I munched on my scampi while the following boomed around the little pub:

Chap 1: I read Janet's book yesterday
Chap 2: What's she want a dog for?
C1: It's an excellent read.
C2: Good! As long as it's not one of them yappy things. What sort is it?
C1: It's about the Spanish Armada.
C2: A spaniel? I suppose that's okay.

I foresee a very confusing conversation in Janet's near future.

And so watered, fed, and amused, I reached the waterfront. The tide was out and the fleet were grounded on the sand banks or trapped in the channel. I wandered around the chandlers and gift shops for a little while before heading for the beach 2km away. About 300m from town it really started to rain so I returned to the car. I was so glad I had my coat and umbrella.

I drove to the beach instead. The tide was out, and the sea was a little strip of blue in the distance. When the tide comes in it crosses the sand faster than you can run. It's quite treacherous.

I set the GPS for Cromer, and went via Binham Priory, a ruined Benedictine priory built in 1079 by WIlliam The Conqueror's nephew, and pulled down by Henry VIII. It's now used as a parish church.

I had intended to visit the seaside pier at Cromer, but the rain was bucketing down. The pier is only 100m long but I could barely see the end.

And so I headed back to Offord Darcy for tea, and dinner of sausages and mash.

Have a trip through Offord Darcy. Aaron is doing most of the commentating. That background grind is the Vauxhall's diesel motor.

*I now own an umbrella. I am going Native.
** Or even better, Stephen Fry and a film crew.

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It is freakily disturbing to me to watch oncoming traffic pass on the right-hand side. If I ever go to England, I think I'll stick to walking and public transportation.

Ah yes, the ritual sacrifices. Yes, those are still performed. Love the round-a-bouts, but that wasn't a royal mail van, that was ParcelFarce. If you want a package of home-baked biscuits, baked on the 9th of December, to reach the UK sometime in late February, after sitting out in the rain on top of a heap of packages, to the point where they grow mouldy, then Parcelfarce is your business. Actually, they're your ONLY choice of parcel delivery in the UK, unless you want to sell your kidneys and pay for a private company, like FedEx or UPS. And what was all that BLUE STUFF up in the sky?!? And those white, fluffy things?!? I thought I saw something bright in the sky, what was that, were you being chased by the Metro Police chopper?

Oh yes, since it is spring, do try to get yourself a proper 99? It's only appropos to have one for a chattery bite while visiting the coast. (See icon for reference.)

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