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Stories by a short, fat bastard

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More than a Road Trip
Weta, Grordbort, Rayguns
What-ho, chaps! This time next week I'll be winging my way by fast zeppelin* to Old Blighty to take in some sights, to attend a wedding, and to hit the wilds of Cambridgeshire to relieve the locals of a pesky Panther of some sort. I thought I might also pop on up to Loch Ness to find that monster and to try my hand at some... photography. Yes. With trusty Saboteur 66... camera.

As you can see, I am well prepared. I'll have to leave my trusty snark-hounds behind, dammit. Quarantine restrictions and all that nonsense.


Explorer and naturalist Dennis Fetherstonhaugh-Cholmondeley-Smythe poses with his faithful snark-hounds Polly and Jacquie, as he prepares to venture forth into the wilds

*A380, actually.

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*SNERK!!* Hee Hee!

Good old Polly, AKA "The Nose". At least *she* isn't scared of someone in costume.

Great outfit Mr Fetherstonhaugh-Cholmondeley-Smythe :) Are you sure you can't fit a "-seacombe" into the name as well?

Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits ...

Zeppelin would probably be safer than a French airliner, actually... best of luck. Have fun!

Actually, the plane is fine. It's the american software that's the problem, but that's what you get when you have Microsoft Windows as an OS. It crashes.

Actually, seriously, that's the problem. The embedded software seems to be the cause of airbus failures.. like randomly throwing the engines into reverse thrust, or deploying flaps in flight, or crashing and freezing the controls when flight conditions pass outside programmed parameters.

The fact that it's built around the windows os might be relevant.

Yeah.. when you're at 33,000ft and doing 600mph, a BSOD takes on a terrifying literalness.

The really scary thing is that they built a fly-by-wire aircraft with very limited manual backup systems.

It's going to be interesting if try to take that through airport security...

Can't take the big gun, buggerit. Security would throw a fit.

Dude, it's an inert piece of art! Bleurgh.

It also weighs 11kg and is over 1m long. It's quite a bulky, oddly-shaped piece.

That is awesome. I do suggest a nice pair of boots for tromping about wild places, and maybe some heavier trousers with more pockets. It is awesome none the less :)

Boots and Breeches are next on the list. And some things to hang on the belt: water bottle, binoculars, etc.

I should have worn my satchel full of pockets.

Awesome pictures ^^

Let me know if you pass by Newcastle upon Tyne :P

I don't know if I'm heading that far north. I'm with a group and it depends what everyone wants to do.

Needs to yank you over to the North American Continent at some point.

Maybe come up with a car washer for Amtrak that does something more than just move the dirt around. :=/

Oh, I have a design for a train wash. Multiple arches, detergent foamer, brushes, rinse water.

We also sell these, but there is already a US dealer and we can't intrude on his territory.

Great outfit! But I'm with beki that it would be more practical with cargo pants. And goggles!

And perhaps something along the lines of my steampunk chatelaine, although you probably don't want one that ornate.

As an Explorer (and Naturalist) I have no room for decoration. If it's non-functional I don't want to carry the extra weight. Goggles would be handy against dust, though.

I do need proper breeches and boots.

I think somehow you need a cameo in a story I'm writing, set in the late Victorian in the wilds of New South Wales...

totally awesome!! I know cholmondeley is pronounced chumley, is featherstonhaugh pronounced also in some incomprehensible manner??

The name is pronounced "Fenshaw-Chumley-Smith"

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